Marriage Tip #7: Communication, KEEP Trying

My last tip started with the top reasons Relationships fail: one was COMMUNICATION.

For years we have tried new forms of communications, there are countless languages out there to learn and none of that is including our body language, tone, cultural influences.  COMMUNICATION is one of the most complicated things you will learn to do.  Even if you speak the same language as someone, live with them for years...you are still bound to has some form of MIS-COMMUNICATION.

So 1st thing to LEARN for your marriage (or any relationship you have) there WILL be a time you mis-communicate something to someone.
If you go back to my post on Marriage Tip #6, I gave an example of how Alex and I had different definitions in our heads of what "SAVINGS" is causing us to mis-understand each other.

#2, is know Communication takes time, patiences and TALKING.  You CANNOT stop talking to each other or you'll never learn how each other's minds work. This helps you learn how to talk to each other.

#3 the more you talk, the more you know.

So don't be completely discouraged when this happens. Don't start thinking "He/She doesn't get me!"  My Parents are celebrating their 34th Wedding Anniversary December 23rd and they still have moments of Miscommunication.  But they know it happens, they work through it, learn something about each other/themselves and move on.  They are more in love today then yesterday!

Marriage Tip #4: Command Central

One I know is an ever-lasting job is keeping the family all on the same page. Even after 2 yrs this job is still in the making. Nevertheless I am about to share my tips and failures. Do what you must with them as you accomplish this task with your own families.

CALENDAR

TRIED #1: We started with a 12-month wall calendar and would fill in as you go.

PRO: We could fill in events as we went.

CON: My, Husband, was use to keeping everyone on his blackberry or online, so this change was challenging.

CON: We couldn't enter events ahead of time when we close to the end of the year.

CON: Had to re-write in important dates like Birthdays, etc...every year.

TRIED #2: Next, we both have a hotmail email account. So we "shared" calendars.

PRO: Alex, my husband, could input events and since we "share" our calendars, it would automatically input it into my calendar.

PRO: We can print off the calendars for each month and they will combine our calendars into one Monthly.

CON: I have to color in the colors each month because I'm too cheap to spring for the Color ink (smile)

PRO: I only enter in Birthday Events once and since you have the option of re-occurring events, they will show up every year. (so only enter once).

KEYS

When we first got married, there was several times I would get this phone call from Alex, "Honey, can you check your car, I think my car keys are in it." Or us walking around the house looking for them. We needed a central place to keep them.

TRIED #1: Had a drop basket.

CON: Everything else ended up in the basket, so when we would leave, we would have to dig through everything else to get to the keys.

TRIED #2: So on this bulletin board, I added some hooks (about a $1 from Walmart for 8 of them).

PRO: It's right next to the door, so when you walk in the hooks are right there.

PRO: on hooks make them easy to see and find. No basket to search through.

PRO: Basket is now gone and not extra clutter sitting right next to the door.

MAIL

I got this Christmas Card Holder from T.J. Max, clearanced for 75% off after the holidays. Then I made tags for "His", "Hers", "Coupons", for each pocket. So when I check the mail, this is where it goes.

CHORES

I saved the best for last. This one is the most challenging for us! Figuring out who does what and how often. Some times Alex has time or I might have more time.

When we first got married my other issue was I was so use to doing things my way that I thought it was the only way. So the first year was me learning there is more than one way to get the house cleaned. However we do still disagree on a couple of things; like on how full the dishwasher should be before running it.

Lesson Learned: YES LADIES, THERE IS MORE THAN ONE WAY TO CLEAN! IN MOST CASES, CLEAN IS CLEAN!

Next we needed to figure out how to communicate what needed to be done and when and by whom.

TRIED #1: Assigning a chore to each day.

CON: Over kill on cleaning

CON: Felt like I was cleaning every day and we don't even had kids yet.

CON: felt like I was the one doing all the cleaning.

TRIED #2: Message board and would write down what needed to be down.

PRO: Alex is visual and it was in a place he would look.

CON: he wouldn't know when I wrote it and who was suppose to do it. Then he would just forget about it.

TRIED #3: Make a Chore Chart. Did this with the cartridge from Cricut called Chore Chart.

PRO: Visual, you can pick the day, as long as it is done by the end of the week.

PRO: Clearly communicates who is doing what.

CON: it takes a while to make it. (I actually enjoyed this part because I like stuff like this!)

YES: This works for us! Alex see's what I need for him to do, he picks a day that works for him and he does it. If he can't then he can communicate with me so I don't feel like he has forgotten just that it might have to wait until the next week, etc.

COMMAND CENTRAL

So this is what is right next to the door. We see it every day. The Calendar is front and center. The Chore Chart is visible and clear on who is to do what and the person picks the day to do it. WE have a place for our keys and where we can check our mail everyday.

So what are somethings that have worked or no so worked for you?!